Betty's Renewed Resolve 5.21.09

So, I've been slacking. BIG TIME. I haven't gained too much back - maybe a few pounds - but I'm eating terribly and not moving one muscle more than absolutely necessary. Then tonight, BB and I went out to eat. I saw, quite possibly, the fattest lady I've ever seen in public - we're talking besides on TV, besides the circus, besides extraordinary circumstances - she was the fattest lady I've ever seen in person. I did a double take as she walked in front of the restaurant on her way in - noticeably enough that BB laughed at my reaction. This lady is exactly what I will look like if I give up and hit the 400 lb mark that I am certain I'd hit by the end of summer.

It was sobering. She was enormous. She wore her hair similar to my I-don't-care everyday style. She wore great big tents of voluminous fabric. She barely shuffled along. I'm not saying any of this to be mean - I'm big too, and I have not one bit of doubt in my mind that I could easily end up that way. I don't want to, though. I do not care if this journey takes me the next five years, or how many bad days or weeks I have during which I fall off the wagon or only lose a fraction of a pound. As long as the number continues to go down, regardless of the pace, I'm okay with it. It's more important to me to keep moving in a positive direction than to just eat whatever I want, because that will surely only lead to me bitching about my weight in another 6 months (and so what if I only lose 20 pounds in these next 6 months - it's still 20 pounds less than I weigh now!).

All that said, I do need to get my shit back together. I have been floundering for the last month, easily. I think it started with that long weekend at the beginning of April - and that's been about 6 weeks now. So this weekend it's time to clean out the crappy food that's accumulated around here and get all my ducks in a row once again.

So, the changes I need to make, and continue to make, are as follows: preplan my meals; figure out a way to work in some exercise; be consistent about blogging on here so I can keep myself in check; encourage BB to keep at it; stop sabotaging my own efforts with excuses. That's just a few of the things that need to happen, but it's a good enough start to focus on for now.